friday in the hook

i was looking on the news this morning, and i see that the reporter who brought that whole outing a CIA operative to world gets to tell her story, and it turns out the source was dick cheney's chief of staff. I mean, that seems to me like it's mixed up at a pretty high level. I mean, that to me seems like there's some white house involvement here. Isn't there anything that will grab the attention of the public in a way where somebody somewhere will say, "alright man. enough's enough. what the hell is really going on here?!" Between that and the Tom Delay incident, compounded by the hurricane katrina fiasco, and the people's growing concern with the War in Iraq, i would think people should start to really wonder what's going to start coming down the pipes from washington. But it's a funny world that way. People don't seem to mind all these red flags. I can't be sure if it's because of reality television, or because mortgage and energy rates are climbing. I mean, people keep telling me that losing my job should be a wake up call for the way i do things, but my word, what about the wake up call for the way our government does things? I mean, i feel pretty awake. Yes. i got my wake up call. i'm awake. i've inserted a little video here to illustrate what it feels like. You can apply this animation to my thoughts on bush and his cronies (the penguin with the big wing) and the citizens of the united states (the penguin that is sort of walking along behind him) Wake Up MAN!

today i've got to tear the house apart downstairs and put the buff and polish on the floors and stuff. I was sitting at the table eating some left-over catering that a friend from the studio brought over last night, and i kept seeing this little mouse running back and forth behind the fridge in the kitchen.

At first, i didn't mind it, because to be honest, i don't mind mice. i think they're pretty cute. When i had an old farm house in santa rosa back in 1991, we had some mice in there. they were the little brown ones with the white chest, and i thought they were pretty cute. I mean, sure i didn't want them eating the food out of my cupboards, but you know, they're just little mice. they're not like cockroaches or subway rats. so, i put an old steamer trunk in the back yard, and put some snacks in there for them to make it a home of their own. Over time, they did move out there, and it was like a fairytale home for them. I think there were only 2 or 3 of them if my memory serves me, but i remember i used to go out there and open up the steamer once in a while and see how they were doing. It was a farm house you see, we had goats and cows and sheep. there were apple and fig trees, it was a cute little house with windows that would rattle in the winter, and a giant field alongside Mark West Springs. There was a big ol' tree back there with a rope swing, and the front yard sat across from a big vineyard that had roses growing along the roadside all around.

I had a room mate at the time who didn't like the mice, and that's why i made a little place for them outside.

Well, one day i went out there, and opened up the steamer to look inside and it was a bit like the Jim Jonestown Massacre from back in the day. All the little mice were curled up in one of the drawers, in their little beds, dead dead dead. I couldn't understand it, and on closer inspection i saw that my roomie had put rat poison inside their house. It made me so angry, because they were cute little creatures, and they sure weren't bothering anyone outside, but it's something that has bothered me ever since. I booted that roomie, because i couldn't understand the mindset of someone who needs to poison animals in nature, living outside of your home.

so last night i saw that little mouse running back and forth, and i thought he was kind of cute, but knew that my roomies here would go bananas if they saw a mouse running around the kitchen, and quite frankly, my yard and neighborhood is lousy with feral cats, which i prefer much less than cute little gray mice.

while i was in mexico, an exterminator came and went all through the house kicking mouse ass. When i came home those banana traps were all around the house, (those sticky pads) under the beds, behind the steam heaters, pretty much everywhere in the house along a wall where a mouse might like to scurry along in the open. And for a few weeks i didn't mind the traps because it gave the girls piece of mind seeing no mice trapped on them. Eventually, i got bored of them though, because the sticky traps and swiffers don't really mix well. Plus, redhook being so industrial is a very dusty place, so the little traps were just getting covered in dust and the autumn flies. So, i decided, i'd better put a trap down in the path of the little mouse so that none of the girls would have to freak out if they came and saw a mouse one night.

a guess about 20 minutes later i heard the sound you hear when a mouse has been trapped and is calling for help. it wasn't a desperate cry so much as a cute little mousey squeak, and i knew i had caught the little guy, but wasn't sure what i was going to do about it.

Eventually i got up and went over to the fridge, and sure enough, there was the little guy i had seen scurrying along the wall by the back door. he was a little gray mouse, a tiny little guy with big black eyes. He had a very smooth little coat, and cute little feet. But he was fucked. his limbs were folded under him, and his little belly was stuck to the mat. He was pretty scared i would say. i could see him trying time and again to struggle free, and i felt miserable looking at him, the cute little guy fairly well maimed by being stuck to this little banana trap. I knew there was no freeing him from the trap, it was pretty much the end of the line for him, and the traps are designed cleverly enough that you just fold them in half, crush it like you were sealing a ziploc, and toss it in the trash.

That made me feel even worse about it. but i knew that none of the girls would be able to do it, and there was nothing else to be said or done about it, aside from i was going to have to kill this little guy. So i looked at him, and tried to pet him a little to calm him down with my index finger and though i knew he probably didn't speak english, i hoped he would understand what i was saying, and i told him that i was sorry, but i would have to end his little life as a town mouse. His little eyes were looking at me, and of course he was terrorized by his situation, and there was a moment where i'd like to think we connected and he understood what was about to happen, but it was a terrible feeling. it made me wonder how people can kill things at all.

Not wanting to drag it out, i simply folded the trap in half, and closed the edges. Of course, the mouse was still alive between the folds of his little banana blanket, and i realized i had better make it fast and simple. Should i put it on the floor and just stomp on the mat as heavily as i could? it didn't feel right to me. to extinguish such a little life under foot. and so, i felt along the surface of the trap with my fingers, i could feel his little body struggling to breathe, and once i found where his little head was, i rubbed gently over his head with my thumb, and got my forefinger under his chin from the bottom and i crushed his little head between my thumb and forefinger. then, again like sealing a ziploc bag, i used my thumb and forefinger to crush every bone in his little body, all the while feeling i was commiting a sin against nature, and feeling the misery of killing something so tiny and helpless.

then of course i had to take the trap outside and put it in the trash. doesn't feel right, not the same as crushing a roach in that sense, dropping a little animal you've just crushed between your fingers into a shitty redhook trashcan on the roadside, but what else is there to do?

me, i don't like the sticky traps, and i am inclined to throw them all away today. i'm not like a Peta File but i don't like taking the life out of something just trying to get by. Maybe if i put a picture i made of a pretty girl in the text, it will take my mind off of my murdering ways.

try not to picture her $400 dollar boots crushing a little mouse under them in her next step.

dtown 64˚ and sunny. Smells like diesel